do you like it when i sing to you blog? i don't know all the words but i am in over my head.
this afternoon has been the most ass-kickingest afternoon and it started last night.
first, let me start off by saying that i'm taking 16 credits this semester. I could have continued to go part time and i would have finished my associates degree in May. But I didn't want to wait - I'm impatient. I've been working on my associates since January 2006 - between....well, between everything (and I mean EVERY) that has tried to trip me up. So I wanna be done. NOW! Enter full course load. Enter being over my head. I can't be a wife (be a GOOD wife) and be a mother (be a GOOD mother), run a house and be a full time college student. It's hard. It's harder than I thought it was going to be. I know people do it all the time, some do it without the help of a partner but I am overwhelmed. Add to the mix my anatomy 'stuff' and I'm falling apart. I won't give up and i will persevere but I don't mind saying that I'm over my friggen head.
Part of it is staying up until 2-2:30am (yes, I said AM) getting school work done. There seems to be more of it than there are hours in the day. So my shitty afternoon started last night - err...this morning. It was 1:30am and I'm 16 questions in on a 20 question abnormal psych quiz. i'm really reaching for this stuff...I mean, I don't even remember reading this stuff and it's on the quiz? well, I answer question #16 and BAM! blackboard goes out. ummm...what just happened? don't do this. not now! oh. my. gaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!! 1:30am.
okay - fk it. i'm going to bed. Then I can't stay sleeping cuz I ate something. what? what did i eat? oh, i ate a flippin' milky way candy bar. you rotten mother f...... then i'm up at 6:30 cuz the girls were arguing or talking loudly or whatever (small house). fast forward - i get ahold of psych teacher and she says, it's ok. blackboard has my test "in progress" so go finish it. whew, ok! somehow i pull an 80 out of my ass crack and i breathe a huge sigh of relief. i email the teach, tell her i'm done. crack a joke about how i answered hypothalamus and not thalamus and please tell me what the answer it so i don't go nuts and she replies saying we don't have your test. what? what!! meditate a bit - huge pain behind my left eye but i ignore it. ok. tammy, what do big girls now? besides eat a gallon of ice cream.
i go back to blackboard - check out philosophy, say something clever and witty on the discussion board and head on over to critical thinking. there is this guy named heath who is a fkn know it all. yeah, we get it big guy - you're alpha male, god's gift to online critical thinking classes everywhere but stop picking on MY posts and telling me what *I'M* doing wrong and... I don't know...just work on your own shit. then this ...person (i don't know what gender ianthe is) gets fkn snarky with a comment i made on his/her argument example. what. the. fuck. i wasn't rude, didn't call him/her stupid. i just did what our assignment is and that is after you make an argument example, you "judge" your classmates on theirs. do you think they did it right? what do you think is missing? stuff like that. First I said that I though A was good and her premise for A was good but her second premise was relative and it cant be backed up with studies just opinion. as i continue on down the message board via blackboard i notice - hey! i'm doing this wrong. i'm getting ahead of myself and we're just supposed to do THIS...not THIS and THAT. so i go back up to her/his post and say just that. Well don't you know it, i stuck a fork in her/his eye and he/she gets snarky. fuck you ianthe!! you're a douche bag. so to make matters worse, of course, i snarkily say back to IT that she shouldn't take the criticism personally and i'm only doing what 20 something other people are doing so go rag on them. as soon as i clicked submit i thought better of it and i'll just invite ianthe to a bar and kick her/his ass the old fashioned way - screw computers!! but nope - can't delete, retract, move, anything. so again - fk it! i give. thursday, you had kicked me in the nuts too many times. i'm going to school now.
then P tells me i need to leave early to get gas in the truck. what? i'm already late, are you serious? i text my teacher and tell her i'll be late, grab my stuff and head out the door. i get to the gas station, pay for my gas and a piece of taffy and head out the door. no friggin' lie - i got in my truck and took off. i didn't pump the gas. just thought i'd put $20 on pump 7 and let someone else use the gas. thankfully, i was able to turn around quickly enough to get back to the pump and not lose my gas or the $20.
so that's been my stupid, ugly, rotten day.
but i did come home to the sweetest little note on my pillow (written by daddy, dictated by little S) and it made my heart swell up with so much love. so my ass is sore from getting it kicked all day long...but what an absolute treasure my family is.
i am surrendering to thursday (at almost 11pm...wtf?). i will go to the bathroom. i will go lay down on my bed. and i will (hopefully) sleep. sleep. sleep. sleep.
nitey nite!
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