i severely screwed up today. well, i didn't screw up today...i've been screwing up. it's just that during a...umm...loud discussion with the 16 yr old, hearing my words bounce off her and back at me....i realized what i've done. what i and i alone have created.
my sweet hubby and i differ a lot on parenting the kids...he says i've allowed too much dialogue with them (specifically the 16 & 18 yr old) and that when i get sassed back at - it's because of that dialogue. the girls don't know their limits and they push the envelope. and they do. i admit it. (don't all kids...isn't that what they're supposed to do?) but.....our kids are good kids. they are good, respectful kids though, i didn't fk up somewhere along the line. but omg, those 2 girls give me one helluva time though...and the 16 yr old especially. so shy and quiet and then BOOM!!!!! she changes on a dime. i don't understand how four kids can be born of the same parents, raised by the same parents in the same exact way and one be so....soo...soooooo.....grrrrr.....
the allowing of dialogue grew from my highly oppressed and abusive childhood. from as early as i can remember i grew up getting a back-hand, belt, slotted spoon, a boot once - whatever was handy, right across the face to make me shut up if i disagreed with something my mother said or did. SHUT UP WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!!!! i barely ever got a word in and i'm sure i was no different than any other kid hating bathtime, bed time, putting my toys away, etc but i didn't have your run of the mill mother either (my mother and my brother M have/had the same kind of fits that T has, severe, over the top, violent temper tantrums. i've taken T to two shrinks and her pediatrician and they all say nothing is wrong with her other than regular teenage angst). the smackdowns my mother gave me didn't change one thing though. i just wanted her to listen to me. just once.
it must have made a huge impact on me because i always told myself that i would listen to my kids no matter what. well, now, i've got two very opinionated teenage daughters who will use most any opportunity to argue with me. but that's the dynamic of our relationship. we yell and fight and then ask "do you want ice cubes in your lemonade?" it's dysfunctional at best. add that to possible mental illness and well...then you've got yourself a party!!
i went to the mall this afternoon and brought S and T. S has her own spending money and i only brought enough money to get little S's school sneakers. T knew this and had the option to stay home because she would be leaving the mall empty handed. nope, she wanted to go. if nothing else, she would boy watch. well, needless to say...by the time we were done at the mall....T was having a meltdown. it was hot. mall was packed (back to school, no doubt) and S wouldn't buy her a pair of shoes. so she's stomping out to the parking lot, i'm lollygagging behind her and when i catch up to her at the truck she says "i'm driving home!" i said no. she says why. i said because i'm hot, i'm tired, i'm starting to feel grumpy and i'm getting a headache behind my left eye and honestly, i'm not in the mood to "watch" you properly. well, holy shit!! i saw the devil himself in her pretty blue eyes. not having found my advil for the headache, i let her have it. it was then that i heard myself ....i heard me telling her what i had done to raise such a bratty child....
since pre-puberty T has had a short temper. her siblings have grown to dislike never knowing when the "monster" is gonna show up. i guess you can call me a bad mother because i often don't want her around me either. nearly every day she has a temper tantrum, throws things at people, pushes people, calls names, hits, yells....her tirades go beyond that open line of communication i was speaking of earlier. i'd rather she went to her friends house so i dont have to deal with her attitude and bipolar disorder. it was in sarcastically telling her that she was right - i'm deliberately keeping her from driving because i like everyone better than her.... that's why i said she could never have her belly button pierced....but later on (after weeks of temper tantrums and begging) i said she could if she went to work with her dad on a floor job(just to get her out of my hair). i said she was grounded for a week...but two days later let her go to her friends house (just to get her out of my hair). i stopped . dead, right there. what. what. what. are you doing?
somewhere along the line i didn't mean what i said, or say what i meant and i've created this girl who knows....she KNOWS it! she knows if she gives me enough shit, enough mouth, enough attitude...i will let her off the hook...just to save myself another fight and another headache.
i guess...in my defense, she really is a problem child...not that it's a defense. i suck. but she is a prettier version of my brother. the brother who put a meat thermometer in the flame on the stove and put it on my arm just to see what it would do (i still have the scar). she's never done anything that vicious but neither of her sisters or her brother even like her because of her hateful fits.
my problem now is...how do i change this thing i've created. in 2 years she'll be going into the military (if that plan doesn't change) and i'm going to be letting a monster loose. but please, please don't get me wrong. i love her with all my heart! she's my baby girl, my tater tot and when she's not in psycho mode, she can be the sweetest, most loving, caring girl in the world. (just wish i knew when psycho-mode was gonna hit)
and it all started so innocently. i wanted dialogue. :::sigh:::
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
i got spanked.....
hola blog - i took my two oldest daughters to see a rocky horror picture show tonight. P had gone to one years before i met him and told me about the toilet paper throwing (when the actors said "dr scott"), rice throwing (at the wedding scene), holding a newspaper over your head(at the walking through the rain scene) - etc and it seemed like it would be really fun thing to go to and i've wanted to for a really long time. i had the opportunity to get my cherry popped...lol something i'd never think could happen at age 41...lol what happens is if you've never been to one of these interactive shows, you are considered a virginand you stand up on the stage in front of the crowd, bend over with your butt facing the crowd and you get your cheeks walloped with a boat oar. this guys wasn't kidding around either. no little haha love taps - he cracked my ass good. i can only imagine what it would have felt like if i weren't wearing jeans. i have never been spanked with a boat oar and i hope to do it again soon. ;o)
after four days with no hot water - P finally got the project finished today. whew!! cold showers suck!! i could have boiled water on the stove and then taken a warm bath - but baths creep me out so i opted for the cold shower. it seemed like everytime he got one thinng, he needed something else. the unorganized way of taking this thing out and putting it back in and hooking it back up was not intentional. after 19 yrs styles have changed, connections were lower or higher on the new one. just crazy litle things that you didn't expect. that last unexpected item was running to EG for a $1.29 double nipple thing. just really glad to have it over with and so glad that my a/c tubing didn't get cut or damaged. whew. so yippee for hot water!! thanks P for devoting 4 days to this killer project.
i didn't eat today...just picked on non-solid food and, just like i expected, i had a great day (meaning i didn't spend it in the bathroom). i do this when i'm g oing to do be doing something with the family where it would suck for me to keep getting up for bathroom breaks (and it saves me having to see them roll their eyes). i swear if i could figure out how to not eat ever again, i'd do it...i'd do anything. only down fall is that at 2am, just getting home from the show, i'm starving. not good for a person with an eating disorder to be starving especially when she has butt problems when she eats too much (or eats at all). and eating at 2:30am (it's 3:30a now) means i'm gonna be up early and often. grrr...but what can i do. i wanted i ce cream but all i could find close to ice cream was plain greek yogurt. hmmm...yuck. so i squirted some agave nectar in it (had 2 cups) and sprinkled some sesame seeds and dried cranberries in the first and pecans in the second. yeah - that's a triple threat right there. then i found these candy melt things - you paint chocolate candies with them. yummy. bad. had them before. bad. but - i was hungry. i am satiated now though so i can't do anymore damage. but ona side note: definitely try that agave nectar if you haven't. it's supposed to replace sugar or honey or some kinda hooha. i don't see that happening, but it's pretty good. sweet but not killer sweet.
i wasn't too happy with how my drs appointment went the other day. first of all - this is something most people just don't talk about and i imagine have a really hard time bringing it up to their doctors. after what i went through - i can understand why. i kind of self diagnosed myself and will try some things to see if they help/work. i'm also going to switch ob/gyn as this group, who i've been with since before i got pregnant with the baby before Sh, has all changed and apparently is full of complete idiots and really pissed me off. like yeah - after the last 3 years of my life, having been cut open 3 times with 15 scars - i have no idea what my body is telling me (sarcasm). i come to you for help and you suggest that i use vibrators and switch positions. are you fkn kidding me?? i suppose since i'm an overweight woman you probably assume that missionary position would be my favorite because i can't move or that at my age i've never seen, owned or used a vibrator or dildo. you're joking right? i got up and walked out. without giving TMI - my "toybox" is just fine and positions...well - are they inventing anything new cuz well....like i said before, i'm 41.....
well, now that i've eaten one handful of candy melts too much (slow "my tummy is full reaction") and i've got a slight tummyache - or i'm preparing for having one cuz i know what's coming...i'm gonna go to bed at 4:20am and i will dream about being spanked by a strange man in front of a room of over 100 people...nitey nite
after four days with no hot water - P finally got the project finished today. whew!! cold showers suck!! i could have boiled water on the stove and then taken a warm bath - but baths creep me out so i opted for the cold shower. it seemed like everytime he got one thinng, he needed something else. the unorganized way of taking this thing out and putting it back in and hooking it back up was not intentional. after 19 yrs styles have changed, connections were lower or higher on the new one. just crazy litle things that you didn't expect. that last unexpected item was running to EG for a $1.29 double nipple thing. just really glad to have it over with and so glad that my a/c tubing didn't get cut or damaged. whew. so yippee for hot water!! thanks P for devoting 4 days to this killer project.
i didn't eat today...just picked on non-solid food and, just like i expected, i had a great day (meaning i didn't spend it in the bathroom). i do this when i'm g oing to do be doing something with the family where it would suck for me to keep getting up for bathroom breaks (and it saves me having to see them roll their eyes). i swear if i could figure out how to not eat ever again, i'd do it...i'd do anything. only down fall is that at 2am, just getting home from the show, i'm starving. not good for a person with an eating disorder to be starving especially when she has butt problems when she eats too much (or eats at all). and eating at 2:30am (it's 3:30a now) means i'm gonna be up early and often. grrr...but what can i do. i wanted i ce cream but all i could find close to ice cream was plain greek yogurt. hmmm...yuck. so i squirted some agave nectar in it (had 2 cups) and sprinkled some sesame seeds and dried cranberries in the first and pecans in the second. yeah - that's a triple threat right there. then i found these candy melt things - you paint chocolate candies with them. yummy. bad. had them before. bad. but - i was hungry. i am satiated now though so i can't do anymore damage. but ona side note: definitely try that agave nectar if you haven't. it's supposed to replace sugar or honey or some kinda hooha. i don't see that happening, but it's pretty good. sweet but not killer sweet.
i wasn't too happy with how my drs appointment went the other day. first of all - this is something most people just don't talk about and i imagine have a really hard time bringing it up to their doctors. after what i went through - i can understand why. i kind of self diagnosed myself and will try some things to see if they help/work. i'm also going to switch ob/gyn as this group, who i've been with since before i got pregnant with the baby before Sh, has all changed and apparently is full of complete idiots and really pissed me off. like yeah - after the last 3 years of my life, having been cut open 3 times with 15 scars - i have no idea what my body is telling me (sarcasm). i come to you for help and you suggest that i use vibrators and switch positions. are you fkn kidding me?? i suppose since i'm an overweight woman you probably assume that missionary position would be my favorite because i can't move or that at my age i've never seen, owned or used a vibrator or dildo. you're joking right? i got up and walked out. without giving TMI - my "toybox" is just fine and positions...well - are they inventing anything new cuz well....like i said before, i'm 41.....
well, now that i've eaten one handful of candy melts too much (slow "my tummy is full reaction") and i've got a slight tummyache - or i'm preparing for having one cuz i know what's coming...i'm gonna go to bed at 4:20am and i will dream about being spanked by a strange man in front of a room of over 100 people...nitey nite
Monday, August 23, 2010
i want some strange....
just to see if it's me or not. :::sigh/scream:::
hi blog,
so - i begged for a divorce last week. i mean, i really threw it all on the table and just said listen, every silly little argument about wet cell phones or dirty dishes or stupid dogs barking can't have little daggers aimed at my heart. it is slowly killing me and i won't live the next 40 years of my life like this. he can't either. who would want that? what...? til death do us part? not likely if this will go on forever. you know what he said? no. figures...LOL
we're going to vegas in 7 weeks. yippee!! 5 days, all expenses paid - airfare, hotel accommodations, food, limo/taxi...already paid, too - only thing we have to do is bring a toothbrush, clean undies and money to gamble with (which isn't even a big deal cuz i don't gamble). so why do i have this anxiety about leaving my kids for 4.5 days...even when we have their blessing. the kids will kill us if we stay home (their words, not mine). we have little S to consider, the older kids are teenagers - and P is sending off vibes like he's not happy about going...leaving her home. i want to go - a trip of a lifetime!!!! lots of parents, moms too, leave their kids for 4.5 days - it happens all the time. so why can't i go? side note: i won tickets to see this really awesome band once in an unplugged performance at the radio station, front row tix for their concert the following night and you know what happened? P had a heart attack (not a heart attack but it's what i use to describe the myocarditis). i get something good - he sucks it dry like a vampire, i swear!! i love you poohead!! i really, really do!!! lol
i started another blog, kinda tied into this one - same email to sign in, i think. i don't know, really. i didn't want 30 blogs but i wanted a blog to showcase my soapy stuff (hmmm...i like soapy stuff) but i don't want it linked in. i don't want people to read my neurotic often messed up posts here and then look at my soapy stuff and think...no way i'm interestedin that stuff...lol so i have to play with that and see how to ...uhh...play with it.
i'm a little ticked off at a sister in law of mine. i've known her for nearly 22 years - we came into the family at just about the same time. her and i have never, ever had bad words and i've been nothing but supportive when it comes to the tragedy that hit her family recently...trying as hard as i can to be supportive when they won't answer the phone, or hang up when P finally gets through or remove me from facebook when other family members are still on there. i suppose if i had done something, or said something to deserve it i'd be okay with the cold shoulder but i can't for the life of me think of one thing i've done/said to deserve it. i've written to her son telling him how supportive we are of him, sent him a few dollars for incidental stuff i know he needs (cuz of my brother) and i don't get it. and like i said - phone calls go unanswered, "say hi to mom" through her kid on FB get ignored by the kid, too. i even had a stupid dream about it the other night. it's an odd thing. and it's an odd thing that it's bothering me so much. P says she's still in shock over what happened and i can buy that. i agree. but i see other family members still on FB and...i'm not. ::::sigh::::
tht's all i got. nighty nite!! drs in the am...grrr but hopefully a good outcome cuz i miss the 'old' me.
hi blog,
so - i begged for a divorce last week. i mean, i really threw it all on the table and just said listen, every silly little argument about wet cell phones or dirty dishes or stupid dogs barking can't have little daggers aimed at my heart. it is slowly killing me and i won't live the next 40 years of my life like this. he can't either. who would want that? what...? til death do us part? not likely if this will go on forever. you know what he said? no. figures...LOL
we're going to vegas in 7 weeks. yippee!! 5 days, all expenses paid - airfare, hotel accommodations, food, limo/taxi...already paid, too - only thing we have to do is bring a toothbrush, clean undies and money to gamble with (which isn't even a big deal cuz i don't gamble). so why do i have this anxiety about leaving my kids for 4.5 days...even when we have their blessing. the kids will kill us if we stay home (their words, not mine). we have little S to consider, the older kids are teenagers - and P is sending off vibes like he's not happy about going...leaving her home. i want to go - a trip of a lifetime!!!! lots of parents, moms too, leave their kids for 4.5 days - it happens all the time. so why can't i go? side note: i won tickets to see this really awesome band once in an unplugged performance at the radio station, front row tix for their concert the following night and you know what happened? P had a heart attack (not a heart attack but it's what i use to describe the myocarditis). i get something good - he sucks it dry like a vampire, i swear!! i love you poohead!! i really, really do!!! lol
i started another blog, kinda tied into this one - same email to sign in, i think. i don't know, really. i didn't want 30 blogs but i wanted a blog to showcase my soapy stuff (hmmm...i like soapy stuff) but i don't want it linked in. i don't want people to read my neurotic often messed up posts here and then look at my soapy stuff and think...no way i'm interestedin that stuff...lol so i have to play with that and see how to ...uhh...play with it.
i'm a little ticked off at a sister in law of mine. i've known her for nearly 22 years - we came into the family at just about the same time. her and i have never, ever had bad words and i've been nothing but supportive when it comes to the tragedy that hit her family recently...trying as hard as i can to be supportive when they won't answer the phone, or hang up when P finally gets through or remove me from facebook when other family members are still on there. i suppose if i had done something, or said something to deserve it i'd be okay with the cold shoulder but i can't for the life of me think of one thing i've done/said to deserve it. i've written to her son telling him how supportive we are of him, sent him a few dollars for incidental stuff i know he needs (cuz of my brother) and i don't get it. and like i said - phone calls go unanswered, "say hi to mom" through her kid on FB get ignored by the kid, too. i even had a stupid dream about it the other night. it's an odd thing. and it's an odd thing that it's bothering me so much. P says she's still in shock over what happened and i can buy that. i agree. but i see other family members still on FB and...i'm not. ::::sigh::::
tht's all i got. nighty nite!! drs in the am...grrr but hopefully a good outcome cuz i miss the 'old' me.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
a mish mash of really useless stuff...enjoy (lol)
hey blog - we took the kids to lebanon valley tonight - it was a fun night. actually had this woman stop me as we were leaving and say that she sat behind us all night evening long and she was watching how i treated my kids and she thought i was a great mother. whoa! i kinda felt embarrassed. isid thank you, thank you very much, that's so nice of you to say and then i thought - wow, you were watching me? what did i do to catch your attention? yikes.
but it's quite funny because it seems that nearly every night i'm having a fight/argument with S or T. J is a good boy, he never fights with his mommy...lol just tonight, again...i'm arguing with S....over nothing really. she just takes everything i say as an insult and i don't get it. but whatever...a stranger at the racetrack said i was a good mommy...lolol
got a very odd email from one of my sisters in law last night. the one married to the incarcerated brother. my brother, apparently, asked his wife to email me and ask that *I* put aside my differences with my mother and call her tomorrow for her birthday. i was wondering what version of events he heard - hers...or the truth. it doesn't matter, i explained to my SIL that i will not call. i might be wrong, i might be childish, but my heart is sooooo broken and bruised from alifetime of "stuff" from this woman - lessons i learned from her that is so painful to unlearn because i hurt people i love. ::::sigh:::: so no. i won't call.
and i would like to say that i was right!!!! it's such a relief to have figured it all out. for weeks now i've had really bad bellyaches and then i have subsequent really bad "office" trips. i said to myself one day last week that if only i could stop eating.....well i didn't actually STOP eating but i cut way back starting last night and up through this morning. like - i was practically anorexic and my bellyache decreased, the bathroom trips didn't decrease last night (didn't get to go to bed til 2 am) but after only having a 2 inch chunk of banana for b'fast and that's all....well,, to make a short story long.....if i don't eat - i take less opium and i don't ummm...potty as much. of course eating a regular dinner, snacking at the race track etc etc, really proved my point again in that when i eat - i die a painful death...lol so for real..if you have any tips on how i can stop eating i'd really appreciate it if you'd share them. i'd love to stop eating.
i feel bad for the naughty thought i had last night. it's just that there a few things that are my favorite things, things that make me alittle hot under the collar and that was one of them. i didn't do anything...and i wouldn't. but i still felt bad.
i read that CA has put on hold the allowing of gay marriage thing again. i'm so frustrated by this "debate"....by both sides!! i mean really...what gives??
to the gays: if you have found someone to love, and they love you back and you love each other enough to want to get married - does it matter if you have a piece of paper to "prove" it? you already get all theentitlements that straight marriages are entitled to. and why would you want to get married in the first place? don't you read the statistics? more than 50% of marriages end in divorce! why would you set yourself up for failure like that?
and to the anti-gay marriage people: really, why do you care so much if gay people want to get married. with the exception of religious views, which i don't think should count because we all don't follow the same religion - the only reason there is to be against it is hatred....soooo.....so what do we do with all the gay people? put them on an island (like that episode of the twilight zone (eye of the beholder) where all the "ugly" people had to go to)
(really watch the clip if you haven't seen it already - rod serling was soooooo way ahead of his time!!!!!!)
well, wow!! i'm finding that i'm falling asleep sitting her while i blog. either i'm really boring tonight or i'm really tired. maybe i'll be so tired that i'll actually fall asleep and stay asleep and not wake up til tomorrow.
nitey nite blog!!
but it's quite funny because it seems that nearly every night i'm having a fight/argument with S or T. J is a good boy, he never fights with his mommy...lol just tonight, again...i'm arguing with S....over nothing really. she just takes everything i say as an insult and i don't get it. but whatever...a stranger at the racetrack said i was a good mommy...lolol
got a very odd email from one of my sisters in law last night. the one married to the incarcerated brother. my brother, apparently, asked his wife to email me and ask that *I* put aside my differences with my mother and call her tomorrow for her birthday. i was wondering what version of events he heard - hers...or the truth. it doesn't matter, i explained to my SIL that i will not call. i might be wrong, i might be childish, but my heart is sooooo broken and bruised from alifetime of "stuff" from this woman - lessons i learned from her that is so painful to unlearn because i hurt people i love. ::::sigh:::: so no. i won't call.
and i would like to say that i was right!!!! it's such a relief to have figured it all out. for weeks now i've had really bad bellyaches and then i have subsequent really bad "office" trips. i said to myself one day last week that if only i could stop eating.....well i didn't actually STOP eating but i cut way back starting last night and up through this morning. like - i was practically anorexic and my bellyache decreased, the bathroom trips didn't decrease last night (didn't get to go to bed til 2 am) but after only having a 2 inch chunk of banana for b'fast and that's all....well,, to make a short story long.....if i don't eat - i take less opium and i don't ummm...potty as much. of course eating a regular dinner, snacking at the race track etc etc, really proved my point again in that when i eat - i die a painful death...lol so for real..if you have any tips on how i can stop eating i'd really appreciate it if you'd share them. i'd love to stop eating.
i feel bad for the naughty thought i had last night. it's just that there a few things that are my favorite things, things that make me alittle hot under the collar and that was one of them. i didn't do anything...and i wouldn't. but i still felt bad.
i read that CA has put on hold the allowing of gay marriage thing again. i'm so frustrated by this "debate"....by both sides!! i mean really...what gives??
to the gays: if you have found someone to love, and they love you back and you love each other enough to want to get married - does it matter if you have a piece of paper to "prove" it? you already get all theentitlements that straight marriages are entitled to. and why would you want to get married in the first place? don't you read the statistics? more than 50% of marriages end in divorce! why would you set yourself up for failure like that?
and to the anti-gay marriage people: really, why do you care so much if gay people want to get married. with the exception of religious views, which i don't think should count because we all don't follow the same religion - the only reason there is to be against it is hatred....soooo.....so what do we do with all the gay people? put them on an island (like that episode of the twilight zone (eye of the beholder) where all the "ugly" people had to go to)
(really watch the clip if you haven't seen it already - rod serling was soooooo way ahead of his time!!!!!!)
well, wow!! i'm finding that i'm falling asleep sitting her while i blog. either i'm really boring tonight or i'm really tired. maybe i'll be so tired that i'll actually fall asleep and stay asleep and not wake up til tomorrow.
nitey nite blog!!
Friday, August 13, 2010
when your kids scare the hell (and everything else) out of you....
hello blog, i'm gonna be short tonight - as if i could get any shorter than 5'7"...haha...tammy's got jokes. but seriously, it's 1:30am - does it really matter if i'm short or not?
had apretty scary experience with my daughter yesterday. T passed out after getting a piercing. we had a moment of "i feel funny" so she sat down for about 5 minutes or so. we get out to the truck and i hear "mommy, i can't see!!!" and boom! she hit her head and was half on the floor of the truck, half on the ground. what the.....? freaken crazy!! all handled by the coolness of mom (yeah, right?!) i called the dr today and what i found out was that (paraphrased by me...lol) ....T had hyped herself up for this major pain. her body prepares for it and the brain goes into hyper overdrive. it tells the pancreas to release uber amounts of insulin to help calm down the "major pain" and what happened is the insulin rush and crash is what made her pass out. .....and.... add that to T taking a diabetic medication and dieting to lose weight and boom...you have my baby girl hitting her head on the door jam of the truck. she's been sequestered for the weekend though til we make sure all is better. i took her for a walk around the school block this afternoon and tomorrow we'll got alittle further...just to make sure. oh, and i have it in writing that she will never...ever...ever ask for and receive another piercing..lol
and on a side note: S did her first grown up thing without momyesterday. she signed her own doctor forms and went for a physcial without me in the room. ::::sigh::: her dad says i reacted like "that" (out of S's view) because of my control issues and i said no way. it's because my first born child is doing grown up things...things that have been MY job for the last 18 years. *I* need to adjust! i think i'm doing okay - i hope i'm standing far enough back in the shadows that she can't see me....but she knows i'm there if she needs me.
to further add to mommy's emotional upheaval - last night me and the girls (the girls and i?) were talking about getting tucked in bed. ihad tucked in little S and T said that she sometimes misses getting tucked in. (awwww) i siad 'i'll tuck you in tonight' and S said that i just stopped tucking them in cuz i'm meanand rotten and blah blah...LOL i said what actually happened was that they started staying up later than me so i had to stop tucking them in. but i never go to bed with telling them goodnight and that i love them. S tried to deny it - but she knows..lol
aaarrrggggghhhh!!!!! wearing that mommy of a 5 yr old hat and the mommy of a 14, 16, 18 yr old hat is SOOOOOOO difficult!! i sometimes forget to put a hat on, or take a hat off or i'm wearing the wrong one. no wonder my kids are a little crazy (lol)
had a great date with my hubby! got home a little late, the big kids didn't put the little kid to bed so Sh and daddy are sleeping on the living room floor on the camping mattress and mommy is gonna sleep on the couch (which is a loveseat) and my feet will dangle...and that fit's perfectly with what i started out saying about me being 5'7".
i'm trying to go to bed but my body won't let me. i didn't nap today hoping i'd get to bed early and i'm tired...like ...i'm ready for bed tired but...my body is a jerk and i wish there was some way i could just stop eating. just not eat anymore and i think all my problems would be solved.
well, i guess i'll grab my mediterranean cookbook and lay down on the couch - or go to my office first then go get on the couch. i have a lovely visual to guide me into lala land tonight and chances are - i will have ...lovely dreams.
had apretty scary experience with my daughter yesterday. T passed out after getting a piercing. we had a moment of "i feel funny" so she sat down for about 5 minutes or so. we get out to the truck and i hear "mommy, i can't see!!!" and boom! she hit her head and was half on the floor of the truck, half on the ground. what the.....? freaken crazy!! all handled by the coolness of mom (yeah, right?!) i called the dr today and what i found out was that (paraphrased by me...lol) ....T had hyped herself up for this major pain. her body prepares for it and the brain goes into hyper overdrive. it tells the pancreas to release uber amounts of insulin to help calm down the "major pain" and what happened is the insulin rush and crash is what made her pass out. .....and.... add that to T taking a diabetic medication and dieting to lose weight and boom...you have my baby girl hitting her head on the door jam of the truck. she's been sequestered for the weekend though til we make sure all is better. i took her for a walk around the school block this afternoon and tomorrow we'll got alittle further...just to make sure. oh, and i have it in writing that she will never...ever...ever ask for and receive another piercing..lol
and on a side note: S did her first grown up thing without momyesterday. she signed her own doctor forms and went for a physcial without me in the room. ::::sigh::: her dad says i reacted like "that" (out of S's view) because of my control issues and i said no way. it's because my first born child is doing grown up things...things that have been MY job for the last 18 years. *I* need to adjust! i think i'm doing okay - i hope i'm standing far enough back in the shadows that she can't see me....but she knows i'm there if she needs me.
to further add to mommy's emotional upheaval - last night me and the girls (the girls and i?) were talking about getting tucked in bed. ihad tucked in little S and T said that she sometimes misses getting tucked in. (awwww) i siad 'i'll tuck you in tonight' and S said that i just stopped tucking them in cuz i'm meanand rotten and blah blah...LOL i said what actually happened was that they started staying up later than me so i had to stop tucking them in. but i never go to bed with telling them goodnight and that i love them. S tried to deny it - but she knows..lol
aaarrrggggghhhh!!!!! wearing that mommy of a 5 yr old hat and the mommy of a 14, 16, 18 yr old hat is SOOOOOOO difficult!! i sometimes forget to put a hat on, or take a hat off or i'm wearing the wrong one. no wonder my kids are a little crazy (lol)
had a great date with my hubby! got home a little late, the big kids didn't put the little kid to bed so Sh and daddy are sleeping on the living room floor on the camping mattress and mommy is gonna sleep on the couch (which is a loveseat) and my feet will dangle...and that fit's perfectly with what i started out saying about me being 5'7".
i'm trying to go to bed but my body won't let me. i didn't nap today hoping i'd get to bed early and i'm tired...like ...i'm ready for bed tired but...my body is a jerk and i wish there was some way i could just stop eating. just not eat anymore and i think all my problems would be solved.
well, i guess i'll grab my mediterranean cookbook and lay down on the couch - or go to my office first then go get on the couch. i have a lovely visual to guide me into lala land tonight and chances are - i will have ...lovely dreams.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
hydrogenated vegetable oil...and stuff...
hi blog,
two words. you are wrong (not you blog). but i didn't make any remarks and for that, i'm proud of myself. :::patting my back::: but (in the psuedo-privacy of my blog) ....that was totally out of place, not relative to the conversation and i don't care. :o)~ why do people feel the need to say stuff like that? it's precisely the reason i am the way i am...because of people like that.
dude - it's 3am and i'm in so much freaken pain i can't sleep (too early for a sleeping pill...lol) this pain's been going on for 2 weeks now, a little more than 2 weeks....waxing and waning. waxing and waning. i haven't journaled properly (damn me!) so i can't tell what set this off (stopping the excess meds maybe?)/ i think the only thing left to do is stop eating for a few days to see if i can recenter myself (i hope?). it's probably all the advil i'm taking because i'm in pain eating a hole in my stomach because i'm in pain...from the hole in my stomach...LOL
tomorrow...err..today - my little girl is going to be changing her little girl school savings account to a grown up account. she's been dying for a debit card! lol i'm so excited for her!!!
side notes: you are blocked from my FB idiot. do you think i'm going to take parenting advice from a woman who ships her child off to the highest bidder? not likely. and you! if you hate your mother so much, wash your hands of her. keep my husband out of your BS.
i've become a pretty good food label reader as of late and i've discovered that a lot of our foods that we wouldn't think so, are made with hydrogenated vegetable oil. our bodies aren't meant to be eating crisco on a daily basis. our bodies aren't meant to be eating a lot of the crap it eats. jeesh! i'm very scared to start the nutritionist portion of my higher education...LOL
it all started with the peanut butter...something caught my attention so i read the label and sure enough - our peanut butter isn't just peanut butter...it's peanuts and HVO. wtf?? has it always been like that? i feel bad feeding it to my children...i mean, peanut butter and jelly is a main staple in children's diets! it's so wrong!! thankfully our society is on an "organic" kick and i was able to find peanut butter that was just peanuts. no one really likes it because the consistency is a lot different than the other peanut butter. but they'll get used to it..and then, on sunday i was icing shelby's birthday cake and there was a little icing left in the tube so i licked it and turned the tube over to read "hydrogenated vegetable oil". omg!! for real?? cake frosting, too??
so needless to say i've got a lot of pantry cleaning to do. high fructose syrup and hydrogenated vegetable oil. what's next? hamster shavings in my cream of wheat? gah!!
so i guess i'll try to take a quarter of a xanax to see if i can get my tummy and backside to calm down. im exhausted enough to sleep - just leave me alone so i can sleep...lol
two words. you are wrong (not you blog). but i didn't make any remarks and for that, i'm proud of myself. :::patting my back::: but (in the psuedo-privacy of my blog) ....that was totally out of place, not relative to the conversation and i don't care. :o)~ why do people feel the need to say stuff like that? it's precisely the reason i am the way i am...because of people like that.
dude - it's 3am and i'm in so much freaken pain i can't sleep (too early for a sleeping pill...lol) this pain's been going on for 2 weeks now, a little more than 2 weeks....waxing and waning. waxing and waning. i haven't journaled properly (damn me!) so i can't tell what set this off (stopping the excess meds maybe?)/ i think the only thing left to do is stop eating for a few days to see if i can recenter myself (i hope?). it's probably all the advil i'm taking because i'm in pain eating a hole in my stomach because i'm in pain...from the hole in my stomach...LOL
tomorrow...err..today - my little girl is going to be changing her little girl school savings account to a grown up account. she's been dying for a debit card! lol i'm so excited for her!!!
side notes: you are blocked from my FB idiot. do you think i'm going to take parenting advice from a woman who ships her child off to the highest bidder? not likely. and you! if you hate your mother so much, wash your hands of her. keep my husband out of your BS.
i've become a pretty good food label reader as of late and i've discovered that a lot of our foods that we wouldn't think so, are made with hydrogenated vegetable oil. our bodies aren't meant to be eating crisco on a daily basis. our bodies aren't meant to be eating a lot of the crap it eats. jeesh! i'm very scared to start the nutritionist portion of my higher education...LOL
it all started with the peanut butter...something caught my attention so i read the label and sure enough - our peanut butter isn't just peanut butter...it's peanuts and HVO. wtf?? has it always been like that? i feel bad feeding it to my children...i mean, peanut butter and jelly is a main staple in children's diets! it's so wrong!! thankfully our society is on an "organic" kick and i was able to find peanut butter that was just peanuts. no one really likes it because the consistency is a lot different than the other peanut butter. but they'll get used to it..and then, on sunday i was icing shelby's birthday cake and there was a little icing left in the tube so i licked it and turned the tube over to read "hydrogenated vegetable oil". omg!! for real?? cake frosting, too??
so needless to say i've got a lot of pantry cleaning to do. high fructose syrup and hydrogenated vegetable oil. what's next? hamster shavings in my cream of wheat? gah!!
so i guess i'll try to take a quarter of a xanax to see if i can get my tummy and backside to calm down. im exhausted enough to sleep - just leave me alone so i can sleep...lol
Sunday, August 8, 2010
seeing what other people don't see....
hi blog,
i had every intention of going to bed before midnight but my second oldest daughter's netbook caught another virus (One of those viruses that tries to sell you virus protection). i'm out of my league on this thing so i give up tonight and we'll try tomorrow, i guess.
i was on FB tonight and i enjoy reading other people's comments to photos, updates, posts, etc. i suppose that's what these networking hoohas are all about - being voyeurs. tonight though my daughter (who just had a birthday) were sitting together voyeuristically looking at other people's facebook pages and almost at the same time we both said gasp - "she's flirting with ****!! gasp! and then we looked through this person's FB some more and there was more flirting...by more than one person!! blatent FB flirting. we giggled and wondered if ****'s wife knew about it and then one (maybe two) posts **** flirted back - actually instigated the flirtation. like omg! so we assumed that either A) *****was flirting and not knowing it because it's on FB and B) his wife was/is oblivious to it (maybe cuz she liked it? lol) we will definitely keep track of the flirting and keep you updated,blog.
i seem to have this little peeve. it hit me tonight and i'm not sure it's jealousy or just a real annoyance. this family on FB tells people on FB everything. they really use the networking sight for all it's worth. they make posts like "***got her period last night so she's not pregnant" and "i just went pee pee for the 3rd time today - i'll let you know ifi poop before dinner"....stuff like that. today a few of them posted "blah blah family track day". i've been on this "family track day" before being outside family and it's truly a nice time at the track. the second elder generation go up to the race track at 5am and sit there all day long toensure the family has a picnic table and good views to the horsies walking by. other family members show up periodically throughout the day and it'sa great day. but whatkinda stuck out at me was the whole "family track day". they have "family cape cod week" and "family bonfire day" and "family take a crap" day and i wonder.....what happens, if for whatever reason, someone doesn't get up to the track to hold the picnic table. maybe they're in a car accident on the way and by the time they get there - there is no family track day. or what if they oversleep some morning or if they stay in bed cuz mr * woke up with huge morning wood and was bumping uglies with mrs * and she's on 5th orgasm before she realizes the track is full now and there is no picnic table?
i'm being silly of course, but why do they plan family time? why can't/don't they just get up in the morning some beautiful hot august day and say "hey ya'll - we're going to the track...please come with us so we can have an even greater day!" cuz doesn't it seem a little planned? a little precocious (?) a little bit like they can't have fun unless they google what fun there is to do in august and then call it a "family track day" (or "family fix the car day" or "family clean the toilet day". just wondering, i guess, why the fun has to be announced and why it has a label. why can't you be like nike and just do it. just go the racetrack. you'll still have fun.
well, i medicated myself earlier and my arms are feeling rather heavy. or is it my eye lids? idon't know. it was pretty scarey though - my opium can only be dispensed every 30 days and i'm short by 2 days (took extra while were on vacay so i wouldn't be the poopy party pooper)...thought for sure they wouldn't give it to me but they did. also noticed (home, of course) that it looked alittle short of 300ml. i don't know about that either.
i do know that i'm hot right now. i'm fat and hot and i think i'm going to make a blog or clog about being fat and not wanting to be fat but not being able to eat the "right" foods. omg, i said clog and i meant vlog. hahaha. but there are so many more variable that go into this soup besides "just push your fat ass away from the table and run around the block and you won't be fat anymore." but then i'm not sure i want people to read it so i'm stuck between soup and poop. ha!!
and is it safe to say that i still hate my mother and my sister. hate is a strong word and yes, i'm carrying a lot of childhood hate around with me but this is current hate too. i can't get the words "i'm going to call child protective service on you for being a slob" out of my head. omg. now that's gonna be the last words i type before i go to bed. if shelby wasn't sititng over there~~~~~~~~~~~> i'd look up leonardo dicaprio riding his motorcycle or something.
goodnight! i'll see you in 90minutes to 2 hours. no, i won't be back but i'll be up. grrr. yeah - meds. you know i like 'em.
i had every intention of going to bed before midnight but my second oldest daughter's netbook caught another virus (One of those viruses that tries to sell you virus protection). i'm out of my league on this thing so i give up tonight and we'll try tomorrow, i guess.
i was on FB tonight and i enjoy reading other people's comments to photos, updates, posts, etc. i suppose that's what these networking hoohas are all about - being voyeurs. tonight though my daughter (who just had a birthday) were sitting together voyeuristically looking at other people's facebook pages and almost at the same time we both said gasp - "she's flirting with ****!! gasp! and then we looked through this person's FB some more and there was more flirting...by more than one person!! blatent FB flirting. we giggled and wondered if ****'s wife knew about it and then one (maybe two) posts **** flirted back - actually instigated the flirtation. like omg! so we assumed that either A) *****was flirting and not knowing it because it's on FB and B) his wife was/is oblivious to it (maybe cuz she liked it? lol) we will definitely keep track of the flirting and keep you updated,blog.
i seem to have this little peeve. it hit me tonight and i'm not sure it's jealousy or just a real annoyance. this family on FB tells people on FB everything. they really use the networking sight for all it's worth. they make posts like "***got her period last night so she's not pregnant" and "i just went pee pee for the 3rd time today - i'll let you know ifi poop before dinner"....stuff like that. today a few of them posted "blah blah family track day". i've been on this "family track day" before being outside family and it's truly a nice time at the track. the second elder generation go up to the race track at 5am and sit there all day long toensure the family has a picnic table and good views to the horsies walking by. other family members show up periodically throughout the day and it'sa great day. but whatkinda stuck out at me was the whole "family track day". they have "family cape cod week" and "family bonfire day" and "family take a crap" day and i wonder.....what happens, if for whatever reason, someone doesn't get up to the track to hold the picnic table. maybe they're in a car accident on the way and by the time they get there - there is no family track day. or what if they oversleep some morning or if they stay in bed cuz mr * woke up with huge morning wood and was bumping uglies with mrs * and she's on 5th orgasm before she realizes the track is full now and there is no picnic table?
i'm being silly of course, but why do they plan family time? why can't/don't they just get up in the morning some beautiful hot august day and say "hey ya'll - we're going to the track...please come with us so we can have an even greater day!" cuz doesn't it seem a little planned? a little precocious (?) a little bit like they can't have fun unless they google what fun there is to do in august and then call it a "family track day" (or "family fix the car day" or "family clean the toilet day". just wondering, i guess, why the fun has to be announced and why it has a label. why can't you be like nike and just do it. just go the racetrack. you'll still have fun.
well, i medicated myself earlier and my arms are feeling rather heavy. or is it my eye lids? idon't know. it was pretty scarey though - my opium can only be dispensed every 30 days and i'm short by 2 days (took extra while were on vacay so i wouldn't be the poopy party pooper)...thought for sure they wouldn't give it to me but they did. also noticed (home, of course) that it looked alittle short of 300ml. i don't know about that either.
i do know that i'm hot right now. i'm fat and hot and i think i'm going to make a blog or clog about being fat and not wanting to be fat but not being able to eat the "right" foods. omg, i said clog and i meant vlog. hahaha. but there are so many more variable that go into this soup besides "just push your fat ass away from the table and run around the block and you won't be fat anymore." but then i'm not sure i want people to read it so i'm stuck between soup and poop. ha!!
and is it safe to say that i still hate my mother and my sister. hate is a strong word and yes, i'm carrying a lot of childhood hate around with me but this is current hate too. i can't get the words "i'm going to call child protective service on you for being a slob" out of my head. omg. now that's gonna be the last words i type before i go to bed. if shelby wasn't sititng over there~~~~~~~~~~~> i'd look up leonardo dicaprio riding his motorcycle or something.
goodnight! i'll see you in 90minutes to 2 hours. no, i won't be back but i'll be up. grrr. yeah - meds. you know i like 'em.
my little munchichi came into the world 18 yrs ago
my first born child turned 18 yrs old today. i remember when she came into the world, as most mamas and daddies can remember when they had their babies. i'd like to say that S is mine and my husband's first child together and she is ours together, but she's not our first child. apparently, as s and t will attest, i have a son named marcus that i had when i was very young and a woman named amy was giving birth to P's first child when i was about 6 months pregnant with S. (not lying, ask him)
i was at work, working for a record company. it was my last day of work before going on maternity leave. i was so looking forward to that proverbial two weeks you get off before baby comes. of course, as with everything in every aspect of my life, nothing happens like it's supposed to.
as with each of my pregnancies i was sick - not with morning sickness though...i never once had morning sickness. i just had things like eclampsia and diabetes and such. well, to make a short story long -the last day of work before i was to start maternity leave my boss had to drive me to the hospital cuz my blood pressure shot threw the roof (i knew this cuz of the fireworks and my dr saying "get to the hospital now!).
there were no cell phones back then so daddy had to be hunted down..lol needless to say labor was induced and the following night, after apparently punching p in the stomach (i don't remember, swear) i gave birth to this sweet little person - a head of dark hair, dusky blue eyes (we nick-named her munchichi) and i swear to you she came into this world with her mouth wide open yelling and screaming.
to this very day she still yells and screams and every day since her first day, that little baby girl has caused my head to explode. i love you shelly belly. welcome to adulthood!!! i love you immensenly!
i was at work, working for a record company. it was my last day of work before going on maternity leave. i was so looking forward to that proverbial two weeks you get off before baby comes. of course, as with everything in every aspect of my life, nothing happens like it's supposed to.
as with each of my pregnancies i was sick - not with morning sickness though...i never once had morning sickness. i just had things like eclampsia and diabetes and such. well, to make a short story long -the last day of work before i was to start maternity leave my boss had to drive me to the hospital cuz my blood pressure shot threw the roof (i knew this cuz of the fireworks and my dr saying "get to the hospital now!).
there were no cell phones back then so daddy had to be hunted down..lol needless to say labor was induced and the following night, after apparently punching p in the stomach (i don't remember, swear) i gave birth to this sweet little person - a head of dark hair, dusky blue eyes (we nick-named her munchichi) and i swear to you she came into this world with her mouth wide open yelling and screaming.
to this very day she still yells and screams and every day since her first day, that little baby girl has caused my head to explode. i love you shelly belly. welcome to adulthood!!! i love you immensenly!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
boobs and bumper stickers
hi blog,
we went to the book store tonight (in the mall). ended up going to spencer's and found my bumper sticker...the bumper sticker that got stolen (who does that?) . i mean, it was a magnetic one so it wasn't a hard feat but still. but anyway, it's replaced and i'm happy.
also, while at the mall we saw this young woman. first off let me say that i'm not picking on her because she was heavy set...or because she wore her clothes (more specifically her bra) three sizes too small. what caught my eye, and probably most of the eyes in there (perhaps that was the reason for the mis-sizing) was the fact that because of her too small bra, her cleavage was up to her neck and she was able to hold her cell phone in between her boobages. ugh!! that was nasty!! girlfriend - have some self respect, please!
but it did bring up a good point (hardy har, point - get it?) looking at pictures of me of late, my boobs are hanging down the ground. i'm needing a wheel barrel over here (lol) i'm giving a new meaning to the term 'over the shoulder boulder holder"...hahaha.
but it does beg the question: do we go au naturale? or do we wear bras 3 sizes too small and choke ourselves? ahhh....boobies!!!
k, i'm heading to bed early tonight - P has his MRI tomorrow at 8 and i need to get up early.
we went to the book store tonight (in the mall). ended up going to spencer's and found my bumper sticker...the bumper sticker that got stolen (who does that?) . i mean, it was a magnetic one so it wasn't a hard feat but still. but anyway, it's replaced and i'm happy.
also, while at the mall we saw this young woman. first off let me say that i'm not picking on her because she was heavy set...or because she wore her clothes (more specifically her bra) three sizes too small. what caught my eye, and probably most of the eyes in there (perhaps that was the reason for the mis-sizing) was the fact that because of her too small bra, her cleavage was up to her neck and she was able to hold her cell phone in between her boobages. ugh!! that was nasty!! girlfriend - have some self respect, please!
but it did bring up a good point (hardy har, point - get it?) looking at pictures of me of late, my boobs are hanging down the ground. i'm needing a wheel barrel over here (lol) i'm giving a new meaning to the term 'over the shoulder boulder holder"...hahaha.
but it does beg the question: do we go au naturale? or do we wear bras 3 sizes too small and choke ourselves? ahhh....boobies!!!
k, i'm heading to bed early tonight - P has his MRI tomorrow at 8 and i need to get up early.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
i imported a blog!!!!!
hi blog!! great night tonight. waiting for my test results in 'short stories'. i've got a steady B in that class with the exception of the F when we went on vacation so it looks like my final exam will tell which way the grade hammer swings. gotta keep that GPA up there.
so i figured out to import my other blog. that's pretty good considering i'm pretty computer mental.
i'm making a new year's resolution tonight and that is to be in bed in every night by midnight. and i mean EVERY. as if EVERY is different than every...lol so that leaves me 14 minutes...can i do it? yes you can!!! lol
so i figured out to import my other blog. that's pretty good considering i'm pretty computer mental.
i'm making a new year's resolution tonight and that is to be in bed in every night by midnight. and i mean EVERY. as if EVERY is different than every...lol so that leaves me 14 minutes...can i do it? yes you can!!! lol
indecisive
hi blog, who says at age 40 (err..41) that you have to have all your ducks in a row?
i changed my mind about this blogs name.
i'm going to try to finger out ...lol i said finger. i meant figure out how to connect that blog to this one because this is going to be the one i use from now on. the other one is dead.
one time, a car cut me off and i yelled out "ass" and S and T said "hat" in unison. now that's funny.
i changed my mind about this blogs name.
i'm going to try to finger out ...lol i said finger. i meant figure out how to connect that blog to this one because this is going to be the one i use from now on. the other one is dead.
one time, a car cut me off and i yelled out "ass" and S and T said "hat" in unison. now that's funny.
he does love me.....!!!!!!
hi blog,
i got home from taking 2 of our kids for haircuts (getting ready for school stuff) and my poohead had a piece of paper on my laptop. i went to move it,it was a scrap of a something and he says 'look at it' and he's pointing to it.
i looked at it and from what i was able to decipher from his chicken scratch handwriting - he rescheduled his MRI!!!!!!!! I knew he loved me...deep down inside and in betweeen the texts that say "i don't hate you i just disagree with you 50% of the time" - he loves me!!!!!
but we will keep that other thing between us.. ;o)
i got home from taking 2 of our kids for haircuts (getting ready for school stuff) and my poohead had a piece of paper on my laptop. i went to move it,it was a scrap of a something and he says 'look at it' and he's pointing to it.
i looked at it and from what i was able to decipher from his chicken scratch handwriting - he rescheduled his MRI!!!!!!!! I knew he loved me...deep down inside and in betweeen the texts that say "i don't hate you i just disagree with you 50% of the time" - he loves me!!!!!
but we will keep that other thing between us.. ;o)
Monday, August 2, 2010
i lost a blog
hey blog,
i'm sorry but i seemed to have lost a post or two. i could've sworn i came on here and on two separate days made two separate blogs. but they're not here. to be quite honest i'm not concerned enough to go looking around for them either. but i needed something to start off talking about.
i made fried green tomatoes tonight. mmmmmyummy!! i didn't have seasonings so i used old bay. great choice!! i've got this forearm sized zucchini i thought about giving the green tomato treatment to so we'll see. but yeah, definitely try the old bay (in with the corn meal/bread crumb mix). never thought about it but i could have used some frank's red hot mixed in with the egg/milk (a'la fried chicken). hmmm...next time. gotta remember to save some tomatoes for spaghetti sauce though, too.
so you might be asking why am i awake at 1:01am. or not. i just finished my final exam for short stories. great class. if i wasn't forced to read some of this stuff, i'd never read it so i'm pretty glad for that. there are some amazing author's out there - i'd definitely recommend getting out of your comfort zone. i was pretty worried when i saw the "F" on my grades this evening. i get pretty good grades and to see that was startling to say the least. well, i back tracked and figured out that even though i read the stories, had my daughter bring her laptop with us on vacation - i never actually got online and did the assignments (which consisted of an essay, a 2 question quiz and discussion board comments). UGH! my fault - good intentions and all - but vacation was too much fun...screw homework. so we'll see how it affects my grade.
needless to say the freaken dog is still here. grrrrr....i am really reaching the point that i will get a shovel and i will hit her in the head with it. her behavior is just...just...fucked up. P says it wouldn't be fair to bring her to the pound because who knows what they'd do with her once they find out how mentally defective she is. that's not my problem (lol)
P had an MRI scheduled for today and when i ask "how did it go" he says the lady called last week and i rescheduled it. ummm...hello! mcfly??! (back to the future reference)...what. the fuck. this conversation took place out in the garden so as i'm walking in the house with a look of utter disbelief on my face i said something (can't remember what now) and i followed that with "that was sarcastic" and he had the audacity to remark. what. the fuck. the MRI is for his eye (and face) twitching and now i have to be a DB and nag him to reschedule. what. the. fuck. that's all i can say. who friggen does this??? and on top of that...what kind of husband RESCHEDULES and does NOT tell his wife about it??? wife = partner = helpmate, etc etc etc and honest to god he wonders why i take off and hide in the cemetary. for real. this brings me back to that blog about "updating conversations". GAH!!!
so in the meantime i find that in looking for an artists work i come across a naked picture of him and i'm looking at it. like....really looking at it. and enjoying it. that's bad, i know. wandering minds and all that BS. i quickly (in a sort of slow manner) turned the webpage. no no no no no no pee pees that don't belong to me. it just so happens that i don't want the one that belongs to me right now. two reasons - the lack of updating conversations and the way - after promises - my love nest, my den of burning desires, my zone of flesh on fire, has turned into a storage unit....again. yep - again. i brought it up tonight but then let it go. as it stands now we're homeless so i won't go into any home repair/remodeling nag/rants etc - but as soon as we're not homeless...my den of lusty hotness is mine again. dammit.
last night i was so thankful that i didn't throw away all those meds that i gave up. i won't go into details but my life has been an utter hell the last few days. not only could i not sleep (cuz of needing the potty 14 times in one night...again) i was in pain. then..when it let up, and i could lay down to take a small nap cuz i was up for two days straight shitting my brains out, no one will let me take a nap. S has a problem with this and T has a problem wtih that - and all problems, of course, are my fault and J is just oblivious and Sh is a 5 yr old with the mouth of a 16 yr old and when i go to hide in my hiding place (under the Downer family) who flippin' finds me...? yeah - P. in MY cemetery. and where i was he really had to look. i was wearing a white tshirt so maybe it wasn't that hard but i took off without telling a soul where i went. so now what do i do with no hiding place?
i'm sure this post sounds like a whoa is me and whine whine cry cry - but it's not. just a vent. not even that really...just a...release, shall we say.
T and i starting this experiment (now i wonder if she ate it today?) - i read a study that says eating cinnamon will lower LDL and triglycerides, and blood sugars and all that so i said wouldn't it be cool if T and I did it so when we go back to the endo in 3 months we can see if it worked? and on top of that - i don't have a colon - so how cool would it be to see if not it worked (on T) but worked on T and not on me cuz of the missing hooha? but she spent the day with her friend riding bikes and such and i don't know if she ate it. now i don't even know if i ate it. too late now.
i can tell my double shot of "o" is kicking in so i'm gonna bail before i start looking for those things that shouldn't be looked at if they don't belong to me again. hehe
nitey nite
i'm sorry but i seemed to have lost a post or two. i could've sworn i came on here and on two separate days made two separate blogs. but they're not here. to be quite honest i'm not concerned enough to go looking around for them either. but i needed something to start off talking about.
i made fried green tomatoes tonight. mmmmmyummy!! i didn't have seasonings so i used old bay. great choice!! i've got this forearm sized zucchini i thought about giving the green tomato treatment to so we'll see. but yeah, definitely try the old bay (in with the corn meal/bread crumb mix). never thought about it but i could have used some frank's red hot mixed in with the egg/milk (a'la fried chicken). hmmm...next time. gotta remember to save some tomatoes for spaghetti sauce though, too.
so you might be asking why am i awake at 1:01am. or not. i just finished my final exam for short stories. great class. if i wasn't forced to read some of this stuff, i'd never read it so i'm pretty glad for that. there are some amazing author's out there - i'd definitely recommend getting out of your comfort zone. i was pretty worried when i saw the "F" on my grades this evening. i get pretty good grades and to see that was startling to say the least. well, i back tracked and figured out that even though i read the stories, had my daughter bring her laptop with us on vacation - i never actually got online and did the assignments (which consisted of an essay, a 2 question quiz and discussion board comments). UGH! my fault - good intentions and all - but vacation was too much fun...screw homework. so we'll see how it affects my grade.
needless to say the freaken dog is still here. grrrrr....i am really reaching the point that i will get a shovel and i will hit her in the head with it. her behavior is just...just...fucked up. P says it wouldn't be fair to bring her to the pound because who knows what they'd do with her once they find out how mentally defective she is. that's not my problem (lol)
P had an MRI scheduled for today and when i ask "how did it go" he says the lady called last week and i rescheduled it. ummm...hello! mcfly??! (back to the future reference)...what. the fuck. this conversation took place out in the garden so as i'm walking in the house with a look of utter disbelief on my face i said something (can't remember what now) and i followed that with "that was sarcastic" and he had the audacity to remark. what. the fuck. the MRI is for his eye (and face) twitching and now i have to be a DB and nag him to reschedule. what. the. fuck. that's all i can say. who friggen does this??? and on top of that...what kind of husband RESCHEDULES and does NOT tell his wife about it??? wife = partner = helpmate, etc etc etc and honest to god he wonders why i take off and hide in the cemetary. for real. this brings me back to that blog about "updating conversations". GAH!!!
so in the meantime i find that in looking for an artists work i come across a naked picture of him and i'm looking at it. like....really looking at it. and enjoying it. that's bad, i know. wandering minds and all that BS. i quickly (in a sort of slow manner) turned the webpage. no no no no no no pee pees that don't belong to me. it just so happens that i don't want the one that belongs to me right now. two reasons - the lack of updating conversations and the way - after promises - my love nest, my den of burning desires, my zone of flesh on fire, has turned into a storage unit....again. yep - again. i brought it up tonight but then let it go. as it stands now we're homeless so i won't go into any home repair/remodeling nag/rants etc - but as soon as we're not homeless...my den of lusty hotness is mine again. dammit.
last night i was so thankful that i didn't throw away all those meds that i gave up. i won't go into details but my life has been an utter hell the last few days. not only could i not sleep (cuz of needing the potty 14 times in one night...again) i was in pain. then..when it let up, and i could lay down to take a small nap cuz i was up for two days straight shitting my brains out, no one will let me take a nap. S has a problem with this and T has a problem wtih that - and all problems, of course, are my fault and J is just oblivious and Sh is a 5 yr old with the mouth of a 16 yr old and when i go to hide in my hiding place (under the Downer family) who flippin' finds me...? yeah - P. in MY cemetery. and where i was he really had to look. i was wearing a white tshirt so maybe it wasn't that hard but i took off without telling a soul where i went. so now what do i do with no hiding place?
i'm sure this post sounds like a whoa is me and whine whine cry cry - but it's not. just a vent. not even that really...just a...release, shall we say.
T and i starting this experiment (now i wonder if she ate it today?) - i read a study that says eating cinnamon will lower LDL and triglycerides, and blood sugars and all that so i said wouldn't it be cool if T and I did it so when we go back to the endo in 3 months we can see if it worked? and on top of that - i don't have a colon - so how cool would it be to see if not it worked (on T) but worked on T and not on me cuz of the missing hooha? but she spent the day with her friend riding bikes and such and i don't know if she ate it. now i don't even know if i ate it. too late now.
i can tell my double shot of "o" is kicking in so i'm gonna bail before i start looking for those things that shouldn't be looked at if they don't belong to me again. hehe
nitey nite
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