just to see if it's me or not. :::sigh/scream:::
hi blog,
so - i begged for a divorce last week. i mean, i really threw it all on the table and just said listen, every silly little argument about wet cell phones or dirty dishes or stupid dogs barking can't have little daggers aimed at my heart. it is slowly killing me and i won't live the next 40 years of my life like this. he can't either. who would want that? what...? til death do us part? not likely if this will go on forever. you know what he said? no. figures...LOL
we're going to vegas in 7 weeks. yippee!! 5 days, all expenses paid - airfare, hotel accommodations, food, limo/taxi...already paid, too - only thing we have to do is bring a toothbrush, clean undies and money to gamble with (which isn't even a big deal cuz i don't gamble). so why do i have this anxiety about leaving my kids for 4.5 days...even when we have their blessing. the kids will kill us if we stay home (their words, not mine). we have little S to consider, the older kids are teenagers - and P is sending off vibes like he's not happy about going...leaving her home. i want to go - a trip of a lifetime!!!! lots of parents, moms too, leave their kids for 4.5 days - it happens all the time. so why can't i go? side note: i won tickets to see this really awesome band once in an unplugged performance at the radio station, front row tix for their concert the following night and you know what happened? P had a heart attack (not a heart attack but it's what i use to describe the myocarditis). i get something good - he sucks it dry like a vampire, i swear!! i love you poohead!! i really, really do!!! lol
i started another blog, kinda tied into this one - same email to sign in, i think. i don't know, really. i didn't want 30 blogs but i wanted a blog to showcase my soapy stuff (hmmm...i like soapy stuff) but i don't want it linked in. i don't want people to read my neurotic often messed up posts here and then look at my soapy stuff and think...no way i'm interestedin that stuff...lol so i have to play with that and see how to ...uhh...play with it.
i'm a little ticked off at a sister in law of mine. i've known her for nearly 22 years - we came into the family at just about the same time. her and i have never, ever had bad words and i've been nothing but supportive when it comes to the tragedy that hit her family recently...trying as hard as i can to be supportive when they won't answer the phone, or hang up when P finally gets through or remove me from facebook when other family members are still on there. i suppose if i had done something, or said something to deserve it i'd be okay with the cold shoulder but i can't for the life of me think of one thing i've done/said to deserve it. i've written to her son telling him how supportive we are of him, sent him a few dollars for incidental stuff i know he needs (cuz of my brother) and i don't get it. and like i said - phone calls go unanswered, "say hi to mom" through her kid on FB get ignored by the kid, too. i even had a stupid dream about it the other night. it's an odd thing. and it's an odd thing that it's bothering me so much. P says she's still in shock over what happened and i can buy that. i agree. but i see other family members still on FB and...i'm not. ::::sigh::::
tht's all i got. nighty nite!! drs in the am...grrr but hopefully a good outcome cuz i miss the 'old' me.
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